I look for you my curl of sleep
my breathing wave on the night shore
my star in the fog of morning
I think you can always find me
I call to you under my breath
I whisper to you through the hours
All your names my ear of shadow
I think you can always hear me
I wait for you my promised day
my time again my homecoming
my being where you wait for me
I think always of you waiting – At The Bend, W.S. Merwin
In my darkest hours of grief over your death dear Kitty, I searched for words to comfort me, to help me find my sleep. I searched in books, in music, online. When it came to poetry, the best I found were after those blackest hours, when I discovered the poetry of W.S. Merwin. He had a dog that he loved, it seems as much as I loved you. When his dog died, he expressed his dog grief in some of the most beautiful elegies I’ve read.
Some nights, my mouth still calls your names softly, when I awake in the dark and cannot fall asleep. Some nights, my ears still remember your soft breathing, your mumblings and your soft snores. Some nights, my hands search for your curled form, your soft fur and even softer pink pads. Some nights, my nose joins them as it tries to inhale and remember your smell. And I comfort them with words from Merwin.